Brush Session [Poem]

staring in the mirror

thoughts real loud, but mouth on hush

moisturizer on my left, & on right side,

this brush,

as I

process my clogged feelings,

since it seems they wouldn’t flush

sometimes I feel,

I’m fully healed

& other times, not in a rush

maybe, well, I’m sure

keeping it real’s

always a must,

& when intentions pure

& conscience clear,

not hard to trust..

tryna find myself in

other people was a bust

they thrust

my heart under a bus [and]

I find it

cold,

collecting dust..

with time,

it starts to rust

It goes from red to

navy blue

it’s shocking,

separation

from what stuck like crazy glue

it’s wild

I find myself

thinking about a lady who

initiated time

& energy

to talk to

baby Lou

as one who

stayed reclusive,

out the way

focused on self….

improvement,

though I’m not my highest self,

was deeply rooted,

in fluid thoughts

& authenticity was not diluted

far from perfect

but a dude

named Cupid

had me feeling stupid

foolish, if you will

over a woman who was wounded

it’s one thing to step on my toes

another to be abusive

nonetheless

I’d test it

wheeled myself into confusion

it seems like the signs were there

but “I don’t care” ’s

what I concluded

with no regard to self

cause & effect did what it does

I almost lost myself damn near

all in the name of “love”

but, above

all else

my inner G,

I learned to trust

& be aware

female infatuation’s

nothing but a buzz

I’m not sure what that was fr,

I dare not call it love

I'd care to know what’s certain

but I can’t trust sh*t

because

I know my heart, the weight it holds

& how it pumps this blood

the way it does

but fck!

I’m tired

of letting shit slide

like a flood

the more I let sh*t slide

I know

the more harder’s the thud,

a flood that’s meant to rinse

the hurt

becomes somebody’s fun,

& when it’s said & done

your heart’s the one

left in the mud

& I can’t judge you

‘cus God told me not to

so that there

is TOUGH

but eh,

I guess it's what it is

& it was what it was...

next shorty to try me,

she gon'

have to catch these gloves,

cus I’m not bout to blame myself

& find comfort in drugs

& make my plugs

more rich

while I hurt like a b*tch,

forced to adjust

but then,

I learn myself much more

so pressure, I apply

I’m not an average guy

make sure

you stay put on that side..

a couple miles ahead

about that bread

that’s why my heart locked

like a dread

because my heart,

I know’s

way bigger than my head.