Letter to Dad (Mind) [Poem]

Honestly, it’s hard to find the words

to even start;

hella mixed emotions

that I gotta pick apart

Nonetheless, I’m glad we’re good,

since that’s all that matters

Can better organize my thoughts

& feelings that were scattered

Anger issues Gabe

would’ve hated you with passion

A childhood full of drama

that was topped off

with your absence

Assuming that my presence as your child

had been a cancer,

and life had made me question things

& I ain’t never got an answer

It’s like trying to stay

afloat, but trouble’d

make me sink,

& a broken home

would force the younger king

to overthink

It all seemed like a dream

at once,

was twice I had to blink.

I tried to validate

my state

& why my family

wasn’t in sync

For years that left me riddled,

It had caused me pain, a little.

The same dad

who had said

he hawked me down

at the hospital

Because I was your firstborn,

even though you had me young,

followed nurses to nurseries

so your child,

they wouldn’t mix up

Near the incubator

‘s where you waited like a waiter,

you didn’t leave back then

but you would leave us

three years later

Maybe that explains

just why my favorite number’s 3,

(initially for CP3 &

Mr. Legend from the Heat)

Anyway, next page.

In academics, still successful.

I made the Honor Rolls

& got awards on different levels

Teachers called me special

comprehension was next level,

but behavior problems within

at least back then,

for THEM,

was stressful

That didn’t stop the grades,

got accolades at graduations.

Several times at a time

They’d hear the name,

that big-headed Haitian

Kindergarten, middle school,

& high school graduations,

I did my thing in class

& always earned a sound ovation

Through all the caps & gowns,

around my head

there laid a cloud,

that would’ve quickly faded

had I seen you

in each crowd

I remember Christmas Day

At a young age

You gave a gift

A gift that I would love

& haven’t neglected

ever since

A mini basketball hoop

Little Tikes, to be exact..

A love

You couldn’t sway

or pay

Lil Gabe (till this day)

to give back

Sophomore year

I made a team

& felt a sense of belonging

But my fists would clench,

as I ride the bench.

but Coach, still no responding.

Junior year,

A role player role

had made me feel

important

Defense led to fouls though..

plus,

I barely did the scoring.

Senior year, went crazy

Mike & Leo right beside me

We had our share of games

But pride, I say, was my demising

Every game I played

I had this one cheerleader beside me

But that there would have nothing

On if, one day, you’d surprise me

I felt a sense of value

Simultaneously feeling alone

win or lose a game,

would catch the train alone

to get home

By then I didn’t like you,

You were

the furthest thing from awesome,

But you’re the one who’d

plant that seed of passion

That'd forever blossom

Defenders, I would cross em

but I always felt you crossed me.

But unsettled resentment

in the end

I know

would cost me

So I made a choice

“Do I hold grudges or forgive him?

& will I get a chance to see

my father while he’s still living?"

“God, you know I’m livid,

F*ck this hand that I was given.”

But then I am reminded,

My transgressions,

He’d forgiven

So if I claim I’m Christian

What’s this love I should exhibit?

Life had been unfair

but would I dare

stiffen my pivot?

My heart was steady aching

But my mind knew what to do

Being naturally kind

was cool

But true

love was

forgiving you

Throughout all life’s troubles

it was,

indeed,

hard to accept

But loving my neighbor

Included my dad,

No matter hurt & regret

I say all this to say

God paved a way

& cleared my mind.

I love you, Dad,

I forgive you,

& I put everything behind.