Letter to Ma (Heart) [Poem]

Where do I begin,

how do I even start this letter?

the love you gave, I couldn’t

pay you back, sum’n like a debtor

This world can be so cold

But thankfully, you’ve been my sweater

and my counselor when

stubbornly, I didn’t know no better

There're many reasons why

You will forever be my Queen

though in my early years,

I said some things that I didn’t mean

Like when I was a teen,

back when my head was stuck between

where dad was at & why’d

he knock you up at 17

Let’s take the time machine,

Journey to 1997

the pregnancy that people shamed you for,

You called a blessing

Abortion? understandable.

A child at adolescence?!

would make no sense, but God can

take a mess & make a message

Guess that’s how I got my name

& now life starts making sense

Gabriel; meaning God’s messenger

& “God will be my strength”

He had to’ve been my strength

‘cause I look back in retrospect,

Wondering why & how my heart

Survived through all this mess

At 4 years old, I witnessed

cruelty with my own eyes

Not even talking bout the tears

That [my] dad drew from your eyes

One weekend with my dad,

In which you both had compromised

Ended with four armed police

On scene,

to my surprise

Sunday afternoon, the time you’d

Pick me up, as scheduled

You’d drive up to his house

To pick your son up

from that threshold

Little did we know,

That day right there would turn unlucky

He’d call police suddenly

& claimed my mother tried to abduct me

I watched as cops came to the scene

and charged at you so roughly

They cuffed you on the floor,

I watched it all happen in front me

You kicked your feet in anguish

As your face filled up with tears

while dad scooped me inside

& tried to fill young Gabe with cheer

All you need is one cop,

Why’d three others have to assist him?

It’s since that day

At a young age

I lost faith

In the system

Fast forward to age seven

You had found you another man

I figured you were in love

though I was too young

to understand

He married you and treated me

Just like his very own

SOMETIMES though,

’cause some his actions

I know you didn’t condone

Sad to say,

throughout that marriage

You’ve had your share of tears

A reality I had to face, which,

At the point,

Was my greatest fear

The greatest thing to come from

out that marriage

was my brother

But then, life had been tough,

Just three of us,

That’s it, no other.

Still, that didn’t stop you

As God gave you more provisions

You sacrificed so much

For both of us

& school’s tuitions

I failed to understand

why we weren’t sent to public school

They said a single mom

Couldn’t beat the odds.

That wasn’t true.

I graduated high school with

no baby on the way

& honors too,

Enough to stir

A big smile on your face

Fast-forwarding to now,

I’m ‘bound to walk

another stage

Proud’s the least to say,

That by God’s grace,

Got my AA

I’m nowhere close to finished,

This was only the beginning

It’s crunch time

Like it’s baseball,

Bases loaded,

9th inning

You taught me how to

love my neighbors,

and always keep it real,

And never hold a grudge,

no matter how they make you feel

You made me who I am

For that, I owe you with my life

You taught me mannerisms,

Be respectful, and polite

Through your hurt, I learned

To truly love a woman dearly

And I’m knowing I’m not perfect

But the efforts there, sincerely

The man that I’ve become is

A man you’d want for you

To never hurt your woman,

And her feelings, don’t misuse

Wish I had some tissue but

Still, I hold my head up high

I'm not THAT bad a guy

And frankly,

You’re the reason why

No matter what was sent your way

You emphasized forgiveness

You said God could fix anything

& your firstborn is the witness

I’m credited for

being a good friend

& simply a good dude

I wasn’t always this way

& that took time

to settle into

You never left my side

You loved me through it

& been patient

Your loving care

Relinquished me

From trauma bonds with Satan

Without you, I’d be nathin’

Better decisions is what I’m making

& if GOD sends a man

To take your hand,

I’d tell you "take it"

Can't go wrong with God

Slight hard to trust

but I’m still learning

'cause the love you gave to me

Is the same love that you’re deserving

[of]