Who Am I? [Poem]

My last poem was who is God, but who am I?

a question I REALLY need some answers to..

or maybe self-discovery is pending on my end

before I question who I gotta answer to

is who I am connected to my story?

& my trails, is that molding my physique?

is my value founded in the things that people like

or are my differences intentionally unique?

Why'd mom name me after an archangel?

am I some “messenger” & is God REALLY my strength?

does my story translate to my purpose &

can I count on God to see me thru the pain when it’s intense?

What about this head that’s on my shoulders?

I mean I’m smart, but the size is beyond me

least that’s what I've been told, and even though I'm getting older,

when I look back now, I cannot disagree.

& this Scarface name that people used to call me

for a scar that had left my face a mess

A scar that plagued the my face sometime in 7th grade

when I was steady giving n*ggas buckets at recess

That’s right, there’s meaning behind this scar for real,

I remember it as clear as yesterday.

I was giving KD buckets on a rainy day at school

until a nasty fall didn’t really go my way

What about my height, I’m only 5’11

well, 6 ft if you round the nearest tenth

I should’ve been 6’3 or something, Jesus

'cause you know I would've given basketball my very best

My love for basketball is everlasting

A gift from pops, where passion had arose

I went to small schools... where we played other small schools

But somehow, mentally, I was in the pros 🤷🏾‍♂️

Speaking of my father, that’s another story

This is a story, but that’s a book all by itself

It’s like that book you always see but barely read

Until one day, you organize the stuff on your bookshelf

He wasn’t always there, we’ll just leave that there

It’s something there I guess, now that I’m older

I used to question things, like where’s he at

& am I trippin if a bad day had me looking for his shoulder

Sometimes, I see life as a video game

Difficulty HARD, on like, Level 99

You find out you exist,

For one, you didn’t ask

& now the hands you’re dealt,

You figure out

with your one life...

Like wut?!...

I’m tryna understand

But son, that’s really crazy

you mean,

Ain’t no instruction manual or answers maybe?

I know that there’s a mastermind

out there somewhere

but is it fair to say my upbringing's

brought me down lately?

They say God has a reason for everything,

but Mr. God, shall we discuss this some more?

I have one shot at life to get to know You

When the truth is, I don’t even know myself to the core.

What happened to my hooping aspirations?

You plant that in me,

to forget about me?

I seen You pull off GOAT moves

Like back when I started college,

It was something like You parting the Red Sea

So here is where I am with what I know so far

name’s Gabe, and I assume that was intended

I’m good at basketball,

& just as good in school

except

the times my anger issues

dealt me some suspensions

To hurt someone was never my intention,

but by then, hurt was all I really knew

I recall the time my older cousin mentioned

that “you’re a mistake. I guess the rubber wasn’t bulletproof”

but I know deep inside that that wasn’t true

but my life awaited divine intervention,

while I waited though, I did feel minuscule

steady while still looking for some drive like an engine

I know the lack of answers could build tension,

& truthfully, we could all use mental hugs

I learned that nonetheless, I’ll love and learn myself

But there’s a God out there fr, and He already does

so whether I play basketball fr or not,

collegiate, pro, or even overseas

Although I know my affinity will never die

I realized that, truly, there is greater within me

So Gabe, He’s a French & Haitian college student

Future journalist, loves hoops & sneakers the same

Super handsome, smart, and authentic,

And he knows his worth so he cannot be tried like a lame

Also Gabe,

He’s still a work in progress,

and don’t forget, he’s also 6 feet tall

God paused his hoop dreams

is using his degree

& gift of poetry

To try & relate to y’all

That’s all.